


Barney/Lee scenelets

by wanderingsmith



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-22 00:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2487236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingsmith/pseuds/wanderingsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unrelated random shippy scenelets (some shugary-shweet, some angsty)</p><p>ch1: RST sweet - The sweetest life<br/>ch2: RST sweet - Peachy<br/>ch3: UST angst - Ashes<br/>ch4: RST silly-sweet - Appearances<br/>ch5: angst to RST speech - Beans<br/>ch6: RST speech - Don't you dare<br/>ch7: RST shweet - Control freak<br/>ch8: RST light - Fuel<br/>ch9: RST schweet - Belong<br/>ch10: RST silly-sweet - Pulled muscle<br/>ch11: RST sweet - Great balls of fire</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The sweetest life

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd be daft enough to pay me for this. As it is thought, so let it be said; you make the toys, I play with 'em.
> 
> Just bit of fic never likely to grow to full-size.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RST sweet

Walking into the hangar early, Toll and Caesar jerked to a stop at the sight of Lee caging Barney against the plane's left engine, the two kissing softly. 

They looked at each other, not needing to communicate the idea of turning around. Then Toll shrugged and muttered quietly, "Nothing wrong with it. Why should we make like it's shameful? Not like they're fucking. Let's just set up, they can join us later." 

With another look at the two oblivious to their audience, Caesar nodded and they quietly set up chairs, deliberately in a semi circle facing outward near the door in deference to their distracted friends, with the cooler they'd obviously set aside for the afternoon in the middle. And then they caught the little clusters of team-members as they walked in with a wavedown for quiet. Letting them see their bosses and the chairs and make the correct assumption all on their own.

They'd all been sitting and chatting quietly for a few minutes when the door opened again, unexpectedly. Toll looked up and smiled, calling out a quiet, "Hey. Tool."

"Hello boys," Tool lazily glanced around as he spoke, hand fingering the knife handle at his waist, "Where's my man Chr-" Toll watched his eyes widen as his voice softened with the same pleasure shinning from his eyes, "Well now." Tool shared a grin filled with memories with the old team, then passed it on to the newer folks. "I think this calls for a celebration."

Caesar gave him a quizzical look, "Definitely. You have something special in mind?"

\--

The initial urgency of the kiss had long since passed and changed to slow, lazy, indulgence: they knew they couldn't get carried away here, and couldn't leave until after the get-together. Continuing to kiss when they should be paying attention to their men was a rare luxury they were allowing themselves only because there was nothing actually urgent about the day. They were between jobs and there was absolutely nothing to do but kill an afternoon. The gang could do that without supervision. 

And the two of them had wasted enough years. Long minutes of kissing was no big thing to ask for.

Then Lee sniffed and raised his mouth to mutter, "They're into my Glenfiddich."

Barney laughed softly, unaware when several heads turned toward them as a response, curious at the rarely-heard sound. "I'll get you another." And he kissed the pout on Lees lips with all the joy he'd always gotten from the man's moods.

It distracted them, though, and a few more kisses later, they slowly strolled over, greeted by casual 'Hey's and waves.

Barney smiled at their surprise guest, suspecting the author of the invasion of their stash of Lee's preferred relaxant, "Hey Tool. Celebrating?"

"Gentlemen. We saved you some." He waved at two glasses on the ground besides empty chairs and waited for them to take them and sit before raising his glass, "To the sweetness of life."

Lee gave Barney a soft smile, "To the sweetest life."


	2. Peachy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RST sweet
> 
> This had tagged itself onto the end of another fic.. where it just looked like a Frankenstein limb, lol

Ambling into the kitchen half asleep and hungry, Lee reached into the fruit basket and took a distracted bite into a peach. Then straightened with a forward jerk of his head, "Aww fuck, I hate these things! Why do you buy shit like this??"

Straightening from closing the dishwasher, Barney snorted, "Cause they're good for you, moron."

"How the bloody well are you supposed to eat 'em without needing a bloody shower??"

Barney stared at juice trickling down Lee's chin and grinned, walking up. When the muttering brit set the mostly clean pit on the chop board and looked up with an aggravated glare, Barney reached and cupped the back of his skull in a palm, seeing the glare just start to fade before he tilted his head and licked a juicy fibre from the corner of the Lee's mouth, lips curling in a grin at the grunt of surprise the move got him. Long-fingered hands stroked over his ribs to his back as he raised his mouth a fraction and shifted over to suck the skin gently clean of sweet juice, then moved again.

By the time he was done with cleaning duty, Lee had eased them both around a step until he leaned his ass against the edge of the counter, his lips curved in that big ole happy smile of his under the assault. And Barney had let his weight rest on the brit's chest, warm and solid, gravity pressing their groins together. He wasn't particularly eager to straighten just 'cause there was no more juice. And he didn't have to. Lee wouldn't care if he stayed where he was half the night.

His own hands were down below the edge of the counter, for now just laying on the muscled ass of the former SAS soldier, and he finally just laid his head on Lee's shoulder, the stretch in his neck pleasant, for now. "That, right there, Christmas, is a damn good reason to keep buying them."

One of the hands at his back took its time sliding up and then gently convinced him to raise his head back up; and yeah, OK, deep, slow, sloppy kissing was worth raising his head for.


	3. Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \-- E3 SPOILERS!! --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UST angst

It was impossible. 

First Caesar all shot-up, then Barney kicking him away. Now this... He wasn't feeling it right. 

Shock. He was probably going into shock. 

All he felt was this faint. Far away. Thin streak of pain. Like a knife had got past his guard. Except if he'd got a knife there he'd have long since keeled.

He couldn't hear anything but a roar that was too dull to be the chopper. Even though he could see the cloud of dust from the collapsed building and knew that there had to be a racket associated with it. 

Late or not, they'd won their little war. Bad guy dead, good guys rescued. 

But the price... 

Shit. *Now* it was getting closer. Thicker, larger. Pretty soon he wouldn't be able to breathe around this. 

It was a good way to go. He wouldn't mind the same.

*He* wouldn't get it on the wings of success, though. Or with the encouragement of teammates the last thing he heard. But.. there were a thousand jobs he could take. No one left to yell at him for the choice. Team'd be scattered within days without...

When that rope swung back in his sights with Barney clinging to it, it only took moments for a deep breath to spread his lungs, laughter forcing out the acidic pain that had sent him spirally into that dark place. Wild relief blocking out, for now, the agony.

Laughing and shouting; and mentally running far and fast.

When he was alone in that motel room was going to be soon enough for the nightmare to overtake him.

He was going to see that cloud of smoke every time he closed his eyes for God only knew how long. And choke on the ashes of the life he used to be able to rely on.


	4. Appearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You coulda warned me."  
> "That I wasn't fit for public viewing."
> 
> _RST sweet double-double ;)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldn't think of a title.. that seemed a good reason to add it to the scenelets, lol

At the sound of the bike slowing in front of his shop, Tool looked up from polishing his latest masterpiece with a smile. He gave the newly decked-out bike's engine cover a last stroke before going to wash his hands and wait for Barney to park. But when he turned and saw the mercenary strolling over to him, he blinked, and then firmly choked back a laugh, dropping his eyes in a hurry; though his grin escaped.

"Tool?"

Christ, the voice too. He couldn't hold back a fond chuckle, keeping his eyes well away as he nodded and replied casually, "Barney."

"..Something wrong?"

"Not at all, my friend." 

"..Then why the hell are you avoiding looking at me??"

Hearing a note of actual worry in the voice, Tool looked up. The worry hadn't changed anything else, though. Ah, my old friend, I *am* glad for you. "Because, Barney. You look like you've been thoroughly fucked, in the best possible way." Tool's brows raised in enquiry, "And I don't really think I'm meant to see that."

Even after that, the eyes were still glowing and lazy. To say nothing about the state of lips, jaw, neck; or the unrecognizably loose body.

\--

"You coulda warned me."

Opening his eyes at the fond voice, Lee stood up from his dozing slouch against Barney's front door and raised his brows in mild surprise on seeing the slightly embarrassed look on the man's face, "Warned you about what?"

"That I wasn't fit for public viewing."

Starting to smile, Lee couldn't help taking the invitation to run his eyes over his old friend, now lover. Coming back up to meet a wry look. "You're dressed. Shirt tucked. Pants zipped. Thought you were just following me here. Why? Where'd you go?" Shit.. he hadn't stopped by a *store*, had he??

"I'd left my laptop with Tool-" Lee winced and Barney's voice got drier, "Thought I'd pick it up."

Lee closed the last foot between them, hands finding Barney's hips with dawning familiarity, gleefully staring at lips whose obvious bruising was *his* doing. "Sorry. Wasn't really thinking about the existence of anyone else when we left the hangar." He leaned in, Barney's hands landing along his own hickey-marked neck, to just brush their lips together, whispering, "Didn't get you all loose and bruised and mellow for anyone but me to enjoy the sight of: my own private artwork."


	5. Beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These are roughly 28,835 Jelly Beans.  
> ~In this pile, there is one Jelly Bean for each day that the average American will live.  
> ~the threshold of adulthood (23,360beans).  
> ~we will care for the needs and well being of others, our friends and family, for 564 days.
> 
>  
> 
> _double drabble_

"Hey Barney? I heard someone say something the other day that's had me thinking. They said that the average adult will sleep for about eight thousand days, and if we're lucky, some of it will be sleeping next to someone we love." 

Lee made himself turn from staring at the sunset to look at the man sitting in the chair next to him, sipping his own drink, "Even if I survive to the American average of 80, I'm past the halfway mark in my life, Barney. If I was depressed enough to bother, I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of nights I spent sleeping next to someone I fucking thought I loved. You were willing to break my heart 'for my sake'," he raised a hand to silence the sound of protest he heard Barney made, "How about instead you tell me what you *feel* for me? 'Cause unless you can't stand me, then you could sleep next to me for whatever time either of us has left, and that'd be a damn sight more helpful to living long than leaving me to drink myself to sleep alone every night."

He never slept alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the quote is from The Time You Have (In JellyBeans) - zefrank1 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BOksW_NabEk  
>  _These are roughly 28,835 Jelly Beans. I counted out 500 of them and used those to weigh the rest. In this pile, there is one Jelly Bean for each day that the average American will live.  
>  You might have more beans in your life, or maybe less, but on average this is the time we have.  
>  Here's a single bean. It's your very first day. A special day, but kind of a rough day on everyone involved.  
>  Add 364 more and you have the first year of your life.  
>  Now for a sense of scale, here are your first fifteen years. 5,475 days.  
>  Which brings us to the threshold of adulthood (23,360beans). And at that moment this is the time that we have left.  
>  And this is, on average, what we will do with all that time._
> 
> _We will be asleep for a total 8,477 days. If we're lucky some of the time will be sleeping next to someone we love.  
>  We will be in the process of eating, drinking, or preparing food for 1,635 days.  
>  We will be at work, hopefully doing something satisfying for the equivalent of 3,202 of those days.  
>  1,099 days will be spent commuting or travelling from one place to another, maybe a little bit more if you live in LA.  
>  On average we will watch television in one form or another for a total of 2,676 days.  
>  House hold activities, like chores and tending to our pets and shopping will take another 1,576 days.  
>  And we will care for the needs and well being of others, our friends and family, for 564 days.  
>  We will spend 671 days bathing, grooming, and doing all other bathroom related activities.  
>  And another 720 will go to community activities like religious and civic duties, charities, and taking classes._
> 
> _After we remove all those beans, this is what remains. This is the time that we have left (2,740beans).  
>  Time for laughing, swimming, making art, going on hikes, text messages, reading, checking Facebook. Playing softball, maybe even teaching yourself how to play the guitar._
> 
> _So what are you going to do with this time?  
>  How much of it do you think you've already used up?  
>  If you only had half of it, what would you do differently?  
>  What about half of that?  
>  How much time have you already spent worrying instead of doing something that you love?  
>  What if you just had one more day?  
>  What are you going to do today?_


	6. Don't you dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just one of what I figure would be lifetime's worth of monologues Lee would end up spouting even if they did find their way together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess I'm spring cleaning my WIP folder...

Already half-asleep, Lee was stroking his thumb back and forth over the smile in the corner of Barney's lips, the softness in Barney's eyes making him feel so damn warm... "You. Are beautiful."

Feeling Barney stiffen and watching his face darken was a painful shock that killed the drowzyness out of him.

"Don't you dare. You don't know-"

Lee's hand shifted to stop the snarl with his palm and glared right back at Barney. It was hardly the first time Barney'd argued with him, but this time it just bit too deep. "Don't YOU dare! I have stood with you for a dozen fucking hellish years, Barney! I've cut deep into your skin where it had never been hurt before to dig out bullets; watched you bleed, watched hell flow across your face, and SHARED it!" 

When Barney tried to speak, he pressed harder on lips he'd only ever wanted to kiss into swollen softness, "No! You tried to shut me out enough times and I damn near LET you; let your damn blind disbelief in my feelings beat me away. Never again, Barney." He shoved his nose right against the other man's, still glaring, even having felt Barney finally start to relax, "I watched you let darkness win, give up; saw you broken. But we crawled out of that. TOGETHER. You are *mine*, Barney Ross. I don't fucking care how fucked up, scarred up or outright SCARED you think you are. Because your *heart* is mine, and it is *beautiful* to me because I saw the blows that carved it into the fucking beautiful ragged-as-shit diamond that it is!"

"I love you. And you are beautiful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Don't you dare..  
>  -Ricketson_
> 
> _"Don't you dare tell me I'm beautiful  
>  Until you've seen my scars  
> That carve my body   
> And the blood   
> That pours out of my soul_
> 
> _Don't you dare tell me I'm lovely  
>  Until I completely shut you out  
> Because i swore to myself  
> You're just like the rest  
> And you'll get sick of me_
> 
> _Don't you dare tell me I'm flawless  
>  Until you've seen me break down in tears  
> I'll show you the darkness  
> That consumes me  
> And you'll run away_
> 
> _But if you  
>  Have seen my scars  
>  Bitterness  
>  And darkness  
>  Then perhaps I believe you."_


	7. Control freak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee hadn't bothered trying to read as Barney kept shifting around in his seat, expression getting grouchier and poutier with every twitch.
> 
> _double drabble_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blame [wildtrak's Ink](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3697625), has me in totally sugary sappy mode :D:D

"I hate trains."

Lee hadn't bothered trying to read as Barney kept shifting around in his seat, expression getting grouchier and poutier with every twitch. When he finally broke and grumbled, Lee turned from the view of the suburbs flowing by to give him a look he knew was too damn fond. "You hate anything you're not in control of. You just don't trust anyone else's driving."

The grimace on Barney's face as he shifted again was reluctant agreement, and Lee chuckled at the control freak, turning back to the boring 'burbs. 

He was just thinking that he might be safe opening the weird meditation book Gunner'd lent him when he felt the silence get a little extra quiet and saw Barney's reflection in the glass give him a quick look. And was listening carefully when that gravelly voice spoke lowly, "I don't mind when *you're* driving."

Lee's eyes slipped close and he stayed turned away until he could force his face out of the fucking lovelorn smile creasing it. 

Then he turned and met Barney's rueful look. "Thanks for that," he punched a thick shoulder, "Zero."

And couldn't help laughing with joy at the boyish grin that got him.


	8. Fuel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling a little excessively cheerful, instead of sitting down besides him, Barney went up behind Lee and threw an arm around his loose shoulders.

Walking up to the table, Barney was grinning to himself at the sight of Gunner trying to 'sneak' behind Thorn's shoulders, and, feeling a little excessively cheerful, instead of sitting down besides him, he went up behind Lee and threw an arm around his loose shoulders and leaned down to whisper conspiratorially, "How long d'you bet before he offers to teach Thorn to really shoot against computer lessons?"

 

Lee'd been relaxing, the rare good mood of the evening settling him more than he'd been in a good while. The shock of arm and voice wrapping around him and somehow going straight to his nervous system like a match to aviation fuel had Lee shuddering with a gasp, eyes wide in shock. Well hell. For a second he wondered if someone had dosed him with aphrodisiacs to be reacting to someone he'd known so long!

"Lee?"

Oh. No, he *had* felt that before when that voice got too close. He'd just brushed it off. But.. why the hell not? *Touch* Barney... hell, he *had* thought of that over the years. Then slapped himself upside the head for being so hard-up as to think that of a friend. But.. fuck, he wasn't just hard-*up* he was fucking *hard*!

The confusion in Barney's voice did make him hesitate a second, though. But the mercenary wasn't intimidated by anyone. If he didn't want it, he could slap Lee. Or punch him. Or gently hold him off with heavy muscles and an apologetic pat. It'd be a running joke between them and Lee'd survive without...

Enough. Lee stood, enjoying the live wire in his balls as the reminder of life that it was, and turned to meet familiar, well-... Well-loved. Yeah. He'd have said 'sure I love Barney' any time someone had asked. He'd just never thought what kind of love it could be. Well-loved features that watched him; read him. And *he* could read that tiny widening of the eyes. Lee grinned when Barney never moved away, even then; let him slide his hands into still annoyingly-thick hair without holding him off, let him tip his head just enough to...

 

It took a wolf-whistle to pull him out of the well of pleasure. Took longer for his conscious mind to decide to try to convince him to pull back; except he couldn't remember the last time it'd felt so good to just lose himself in soft lips and a challenging tongue. The wide hands gripping his back and holding him close and warm were pretty fucking pleasant too.

It was finally the sharp twitch of awareness of someone large coming to stand too near that prodded him into stiffening and jerking his head to recon. His eyes widened at hitting Gunner's back way too close.. then Caesar's blocking the view of more of the bar's crowd, then.... he finished the circle of friends and met Barney's look coming from the opposite direction, and saw the lips he'd been kissing a minute ago twitching with the laughter crinkling Barney's eyes, "I should hire then out as bodyguards."


	9. Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those rings mean you're together, even if you're physically apart.

"Market, uh?"

Lee shrugged, eyes trailing over the stalls they were strolling by, "Yeah. Kills time. Weird stuff to look at and wonder what the story behind them is."

Barney looked at his slightly defensive-sounding new lover and wondered if he saw himself as one of the flotsam: out of place and for sale to idle walker-byes.

Without thinking about it, he closed the half-step between them and bumped their shoulders, feeling a momentary urge to wrap an arm around the man, remembering the anchoring feeling of holding him close in the early hours. "Wasn't teasing. Just surprised."

A few minutes later, Lee tapped the back of Barney's hand and stepped over to one of the booths under a light awning. Automatically following, Barney ran a fast look over the array of jewelry and then went back to watching the rest of the market and its visitors, half curiosity, half watchfulness.

"Ever seen these things?"

The odd, almost wistful, tone in Lee's voice drew Barney back to him and he looked down at the bit of silver he held. An almost [inch-long knife with a weird partial clip on the back](http://poppydesign.org/wanderingsmith/Expendables/cuff_gun.jpg), obviously for attaching to something. He reached a careful fingertip out to shift the thing in the light, impressed with the accurate rendition; could easily have come out of Lee's holster. "Good job on the knife details." He smirked and teased, "Could use a skull or two." He grinned in victory when Lee snorted and chuckled in response. "What's it supposed to hook to?"

Lee looked over at the nearby seller, "Mind if I try it?" When the man waved a dismissive hand with a nod, Lee turned to Barney, grinning faintly, "Stand still."

Blinking at him in confusion, Barney did as he was told and watched Lee shift the thing in his fingers and step to Barney's left side. Out the corner of his eye, he saw the brit reach toward his head and then felt Lee's fingers fiddling with his ear. "I don't have pierced ears, Lee."

The brit snorted again. "It's an ear cuff. No hole required. There."

"Ear cuff?" Barney turned to the mirror on the seller's stand. Turning his head, he could see the knife was mounted following the line of the top rim of his ear. He could feel the metal of the clip keeping it steady on his ear, though it wasn't painful; weird, a bit. If he tuned his head to face forward, he could just barely see a glint of the silver.

He turned raised brows on his silent companion, "Think I've seen some people wear 'em in magazines at the grocery stores. Didn't realize how they worked." He tried to read Lee's half-closed expression. "Lee?"

The oddly quiet man turned back to look at the display before speaking in a voice only Barney was close enough to hear, "I'd have asked you to marry me, you know."

*Marry*.... It took a definite few seconds for Barney to stop staring at the back of Lee's skull and step closer to him until their shoulders touched again. Hell, this time he consciously let his arm swing out and rested his hand in the middle of his back, just straddling the waistband of his chinos. He kept his own voice down, trying to clear it enough to be heard, "Just 'cause it isn't legal is no reason-"

Lee shook his head, interrupting him without either dislodging his hand or looking at him, "Naw. I don't.. particularly care about some technicality, legal or otherwise. It's just.."

"Traditional?"

He felt more than heard Lee's huff. " *We're* hardly traditional. It's just some weird... You're raised hearing that marriage means you belong. Those rings mean you're together, even if you're physically apart." This time Lee turned his head to smirk at him, eyes still shadowed, "Except you already wear enough bloody rings."

Barney glanced at that mirror, "Aren't ear cuffs kinda g-" he cut the word off, stiffening in something close to horror. Of all fucking times for his brain to use the stupid kids' expression... It took more guts to turn and face Lee than it ever had to run into gunfire. He didn't deserve the understanding he found. "Sorry-"

Lee shook his head, the ghost of a smile still softening his face, "Shut up." He reached for Barney's ear as he spoke, "Hadn't meant to push you to deal-"

Barney pulled the arm from Lee's back to grab his wrist when he realized what he was doing, "Put it back, Christmas." He growled at the raised brows of sarcastic question he got in response to what he knew had been too much of an order, "I made my choice; I'm NOT letting you go. It'll be harder to put up with having to call soccer football than to think of myself as gay. As long as you can put up with me fumbling, I'll be fine."

He met Lee's hard stare with his own until he felt those fingers reposition the clip in place. It was going to be weird. Weird to feel on his ear; faintly annoying to get a fresh batch of stares. But he got used to new rings and people could go fuck themselves. That Lee knew he belonged and knew that Barney belonged to *him* was a fuck-load more important.

When Lee stopped fiddling, Barney nodded crisply and let him go, turning to scan the display without another word. The knife on his ear was what Lee used. So he needed something- ha! He hesitated at the last second; Lee didn't wear flamboyant shit like he did... maybe-

"You *would* find one with a skull."

Lee's finer digits reached past where Barney's heavy hand had frozen, halfway to [the golden skull attached to a weird S-like trail of bones, with ruby chips in eye sockets and between each bone](http://poppydesign.org/wanderingsmith/Expendables/cuffskullwrapear.jpg), though obviously the machine kind, from the price.

When Lee lifted it, Barney watched him silently slip the clip-less thing around his own left earlobe, the skull ending up in the middle of his ear.

And yeah. There *was* a bit of a catch in his breath to see the out of place colour on his friend. And know it represented *him*. But it was definitely obvious. Pretty. Especially those ruby eyes held in their slick nests of smooth gold; glowing against the pale canvas of Lee's bare skull. But very conspicuous.

He met Lee's eyes with what he was aiming to be apology for even thinking of choosing the thing, "Not your usual style."

"Barney," Lee shook his head with a full grin, looking strangely relaxed, now, and reaching up to tap the metal Barney'd already forgotten about, "Not *your* style. That'd be the point."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame Hobbit fandom for hooking me on earcuffs
> 
> and the gun was the closest I could find to the concept


	10. Pulled muscle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The annoyed grumble was typical of the man whenever he was in pain, "Pulled something."

They'd all had to sneak around Berlin together long enough that Barney was surprised to see a familiar figure appear in the hangar door a mere two days after their return.

Stepping away from the plane's emptying oil pan and lighting himself a cigar, he absently watched Lee make his way over, frowning when he noticed a limp in his unusually measured steps. "You hurt, Christmas?"

The annoyed grumble was typical of the man whenever he was in pain, "Pulled something."

Barney’s brows rose, watching him keep his left leg straight as he walked past him toward the coffee pot, "Since you're obviously being stubborn about getting it looked at, you want a rub down?" His own shoulder rotated in memory of the last time Lee'd dug his damnably strong fingers into a knot that had made him flinch his way out of Johannesburg.

Lee stopped, far more gently than he normally would, and turned around to give him a leer, "Always knew you wanted to get your hands on my ass."

Barney's mouth dropped open and he suddenly choked on a mouthful of smoke.

Christmas was chuckling as he pounded on Barney's back until Barney waved him off, finally able to breathe again, "I thought your back was out!"

"Sure you did, you old lech." 

Even though Lee's smile was the one that covered his whole face and Barney knew damn well he was being teased all to hell, he couldn't help reacting to that idea with a high sputter, "Lech??"

This time the crazed laugh was almost a giggle as Lee grabbed his shoulder to catch himself, and Barney reached a hand to his back for support, even as he gave him a deliberately sarcastic look. 

The man finally settled back to his grin, dark eyes flashing, "Chill, Barney. I never said I *objected*."

\--

"Ooooohhhhhh GOD, yeah! That spot right there... oohhhhh fuuuuck- no, don't *stop*!"

Barney forced a chuckle at the moans from the man under him, trying not to get distracted by all the bare skin twitching as Lee flinched with pleasure/pain. 

His fucking jeans were too fucking tight for this kind of work! If he could at least keep his eyes from wandering to the shadow that kept shifting and exposing more than 'skin' as he alternated between squeezing and smoothing the knot on the underside of his gluteus maximus, he might at least manage to finish the job before he had to excuse himself.

Lee sighed just as Barney felt the muscle under his hand suddenly get all relaxed. And quite suddenly, having that handful of flesh in his palms had an entirely different fucking feeling.

"You're wasting those fingers on those guns of yours."

Trying to dismiss the blissed-out tone, Barney teased, "You think I should keep them wrapped around ass-cheeks?"

He was debating adding a pinch as an exclamation point to his ragging when the brit sighed happily, "Naw. Just around mine."

.."What?" It'd been a hell of a long time since his brain had echoed with that much shock.

Without it being accompanied with dread.

His eyes slowly tracked up when he felt Lee move, catching the laughing look being thrown his way, "You need me to get Tool to engrave you an invitation?" The look flicked down to Barney's zipper, Lee's grin stretching, " 'Cause you don't look like you should be needing convincing."

\--

"I figured you'd object to old before lech."

Barney was hypnotizing himself to sleep tracing old scars that crisscrossed Lee's shoulders as the man's heavy head weighed down Barney's still-damp chest and the sleepy tease ended up being breathed across his nipple. He umphed just as sleepily. "You call me old ten times a day. Since you still stick around, I figured in british it's a compliment." He shifted his stroking to the ridges of Lee's skull, smiling to himself, "At this point I have to assume a sexy one."

"Moron."

"Love you too."


	11. Great balls of fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RST sweet

"Hey, Tool," Barney gave his old friend a quizzical look as he waved him into the house, "Bit early in the morning, for you, isn't it?"

Tool gave him a knowing look, "Was up. Thought I'd come see my buddy and see if I could steal some coffee."

Barney nodded, shrugging off the surprise visit, "Sure, pot should be just ready."

About to sit at the table with his cup, Tool started sniffing the air, "Do I smell something bur-"

"Barney! You threw my underwear on the fucking lamp!!"

Barney flinched at the shout that suddenly cracked through the house, followed by stomping steps down the hallway as Tool started to grin, watching the doorway as Christmas stomped into the kitchen, still ranting, "I keep fucking telling you not to just throw my shit around. Will you *look* at this??"

He was holding up a piece of stretchy green material with an inch-wide burn hole before noticing Barney wasn't alone.

Lowering the ruined underwear, he looked at Tool with studied calm, "Tool."

Tool's lips were pressed together, jaw tight and eyes wide as he tried to find the control to relax enough to reply with an only slightly choked and shaking "Christmas." instead of the howling laughter trying to escape.

Christmas stared at him a few seconds longer to see if he'd crack, then grunted and turned to point a finger at Barney, "You're buying me a new pair."

Both he and Barney ignored the choked snort from Tool.

After the still glaring brit had stomped back out, Tool managed to take a swallow of coffee, and only a slight smirk broke his bland façade as he teased the man at the counter getting his own cup, "High maintenance, is he?"

Barney sighed dramatically as he turned toward him, "You have no idea."

"I *heard* that!" The shout drifted from about the same direction as before, though not nearly as truly annoyed, to Tool's ear.

Barney snorted, shouting back in the same direction, "You're a pain in the ass, Lee!"

"Only because you begged!"

Barney ignored Tool's broken snort, rolling his eyes, obviously looking for a comeback.

When a beat too many passed for a proper reply, Tool figured he could break in, "Guess that explains why you've been scarce, lately."

Barney finally turned away from the hallway Christmas'd disappeared in, an unfamiliar, joyful, smile creasing his face and brightening his eyes as he looked at Tool.

"And why you've actually seemed happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the green undies ;D.... https://s-media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/1a/5f/a5/1a5fa5078c4feebc43000d204219e154.jpg


End file.
